


Priorities

by Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise



Series: Erwin Fics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Internal Conflict, Past Erwin Smith/Marie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 00:37:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8230186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise/pseuds/Burdenedwithgloriousporpoise
Summary: Two nights prior to the courtroom battle for Eren, Erwin was confronted by an old friend turned hostile. The next day another old friend-turned-enemy demands him to answer for it. Old wounds re-open as old tracks are re-tread and old fights re-fought, landing back at the same haunting question: did he choose the right path?





	

Nile entered, face a calm mask. Only the dangerous flash in his eyes betrayed his stormy heart. “Heard my wife was here last night.”  
“She was.” Erwin rose and walked slowly around the side of his desk. “Said she knew I wouldn't listen to you, but would I listen to her?” He shook his head. “Told me off quite thoroughly about the everything from the expeditions to Eren. Said I was a traitor―first lobbying to keep those gates in place even after the monsters broke through, now fighting to keep a titan inside our walls. Asked if I even cared about humanity at all, or only about the titans.”  
“What did you say?”  
Erwin leaned back against the desk, crossed his ankles. “Maybe so.”  
“Figures.”  
Heavy silence settled between them. There was a myriad of things that could be said:  _I was your friend. Remember when we swore to stand by each other no matter what? That only a titan's jaws or the hourglass of time could separate us?_ But each thought had doubtlessly crossed the others' mind, so remained unspoken.  Tomorrow would see them clash in a courtroom battle, each convinced that his side was best for humanity; there was nothing to be said there, either. Stony conviction enclosed each man as tangibly as wall Rose.  
Erwin's gaze dropped slightly, then returned. “You know Marie used to come see the Corps after we returned from the expeditions.”  
The hard aura softened. “She told me, yeah. But doesn't she still? I thought she went last time.”  
“She did.”  
Nile's eyes narrowed slightly.  
“She brought your son, too. I hadn't imagined any offspring of yours could be so cute. Good thing he took after his mother.”  
They shared a bittersweet laugh.  
“What's his name?”  
“Janus.”  
“That's a good name.” There was a pause. He looked away again. “I caught her eye in the crowd. She held Janus away from me like I was out for his blood, gave me such a look...if looks could translate to actions my throat'd be cut from ear to ear.” His fingers tapped out a dull rhythm on the desk's edge. “I couldn't hear it but I read her lips. Called me a murderer and left.”  
Silence returned.  
“She hates me. Hates me like I'd potentially murder her children. And if they were to one day join the Survey Corps, she'd be right.”  
Nile bristled.  
Erwin chuckled and the sound was hollow. "I know you think I deserved it and I certainly know I do, but...I never thought  she  would hate me. Not like that. Not like an enemy." He shifted, crossed the other leg overtop. "I wanted her to be with you. I know the kind of man I am. I can't give her what she needs--safety, security, a home, a family--and you can. I never looked back with anything but fondness. I was happy for the joy that you shared. I almost felt like I was a part of it, though it was never something I could have." He swallowed and his throat was tight. "Grieving mothers, angry fathers, heartbroken lovers, brothers, sisters, grandparents...I've seen that venomous loathing a hundred thousand times. She never used to look at me that way." He looked at Nile. "Neither did you."  
Nile's gaze shifted away.  
Erwin's shoulders slumped slightly. "I'm not asking for pity." A beat and he snorted. "Or perhaps I suppose I am. Did you ever think...she would _hate_  me?" Now only his thumbs continued to tap, beats without rhythm. "It wasn't until the children came along. Until the threat of their joining the Corps began to form. Until it wasn't just your lives being threatened. Fear needs an outlet, either to be conquered or diverted. The Survey Corps became for her what it is for so many: a face they can attack. If the gates don't hold it's our fault, because to blame uncertainty is to surrender even the facade of control." The tapping intensified and then ceased. "In light of this I suppose I was foolish to hope our friendships would remain, but..." He shook his head.  
Nile's voice had the veneer of sympathy and the substance of triumph, as if now, at last, Erwin could be brought to 'see reason'. “It doesn't have to be like this. Tomorrow--”  
Not this again, after he'd turned even her away. Did he think his resolution so weak? “--I know. I suppose this means more to me.” He straightened, and the walls between them slammed back into place. “Yes, your wife was here. We had a short conversation around 22:00 after which she departed around 22:10. Was that all you wished to discuss?”  
Anger glinted in Nile's eyes. “You're a heartless beast of a man, Erwin.”  
“I'm afraid so.”  
Their eyes locked for several tense beats. Then Nile stepped back and turned to the door. “I'll send your regards to Marie.”  
“Don't.” The word was clipped, too fast. He looked away, voice quiet. “Don't.”  
A pause and Nile turned back slightly. “She doesn't hate you.”  
“She does. And as your family grows, so will her hate for any who might harm it―even if they are in part imagination's scapegoat. It's a mother instinct.”  
More silence.  
Nile took a breath and turned back completely. “You and Marie...were you ever...how serious were you?”  
His composure softened again. “I wanted it to be real. For a while I believed it was something I could have. Then I realized it wasn't, and I gave it up.”  
Nile shook his head. “Why? Don't take this wrongly, because I love Marie and would never unwish our marriage. But if your love for her was anything like mine...what could've been more important?”  
Erwin walked back behind his desk and sat, picked up his pen. His gaze drifted by Nile's feet. Echoes answered back: Humanity? His father's reputation? The truth? Freedom?   
“I see,” said Nile. He dipped his head and left the room. The door shut, and Erwin was alone with his priorities.  
  

**Author's Note:**

> Hurricane Matthew and the threat of no power disrupted my Erwin Week schedule, so happy early Erwin Week again! :D  
> My idea of Marie was inspired by DYFM's lovely vision of her character.


End file.
